I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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