if you like me you must not know who I am
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
