guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
