I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
