By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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