"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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