I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
