just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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