just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
