my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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