After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
COCAINE IS GR8
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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