Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
