remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
