I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
