Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
