He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
