I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
