And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
