At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
my nose is crying tears of wow.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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