Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
