this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
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