I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
