she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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