I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
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