I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
