White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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