I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
