just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
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