he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize