I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I can't turn off my feet"
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
