yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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