There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Randomize
