i would punch a child for taco bell
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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