So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
