Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
