I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
