She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
