How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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