I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
