I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
