Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
