There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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