I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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