i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
