the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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