i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
