is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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