how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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