i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
