I wannas sexs uuuuu
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
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