She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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